The Value of Forgiveness to Money Peace: 4 Key Steps

Think of forgiveness as emotional house cleaning. Edwine Gaines   Often people I’m coaching speak of how someone else’s attitudes about money influenced their own behavior and beliefs. Frequently, though not always, the “someone else” is a parent, teacher, spouse, peer, or spiritual leader. Sometimes that influence brought positive ways of being with finances. Frequently, however, the other person’s impact resulted in financial havoc. If you find you’re ill at ease or in chaos around money, look to see if there is someone (yourself or another) that you might want to forgive in order to gain, as Edwine Gaines says, an emotional house cleaning to gain peace with your finances. Hauling the baggage of emotional stress, blame, shame or anger, does no one, least of all you, any good. More likely, it is damaging to your relationship with your money, self, and. Looking at the situation objectively you may see that some of the people currently in your life had nothing to do with the original event. Yet whatever happened affects how you act with your money. This affect touches those closest to you, whether or not you are aware of it; no matter how much you try to hide your money challenges. In my book, Make Peace with Money, I speak of how I did well with money as a child and through my early teen years. Then at the age of 17, I married a man whose money practices were, shall we say, less than ideal. More, he was threatened by my knowledge of money and set about to systematically undermine my confidence. I started to think...

Building an Abundance Mindset

 In creating an abundance mindset, the power of giving is not to be underestimated.  In a world where we so often focus on what we need, you may from time to time find yourself longing to give.  Giving and receiving are two equally important actions, part of the flow of the energy of money. When you are at peace with money, you are likely to be more at ease when invited to give.  Ample opportunities to give money exist, charities and causes, and people to help.  Yet when you aren’t at peace with your money, a request for a donation can feel annoying. Being at peace with money means being free to look at whether giving is right for you at that moment. Should you choose not to give money, you can still wish the person or the venture well, giving of the energy of your good thoughts instead of, or in addition to, your monetary wealth. A long time ago I was going through a particularly stressful period. Laid off from my job I felt depressed. My demeanor, I know, was dour. My coach challenged me to give something away each day. I baulked, “Don’t you recall? I’ve just been laid off. I’m broke!” She smiled broadly as she replied, “Of course, I know that.” Then she asked me to find at least one smile to give away each day for thirty days. To say it was difficult at first would be an understatement. I didn’t think I could do it. It felt forced. Yet I stayed committed. To my surprise, I was soon looking for opportunities to...

Really…what DO you want with money?

A big reason many of my clients feel at war with money is because they have never figured out with any clarity what they really want with it. They may focus intensely on money, but the focus is on everything that is wrong in their relationship to money and not much on what is right. There is clearly no ease and little grace in this scenario. In my post of May 24 “What Creates Money Peace?” I promised I’d write about clarity and focus in regard to money. When we have clarity, we can see what is there before us. Both the useful and that which is not so useful. Clarity with money often begins with looking, eyes wide open, at where you stand financially. This means discovering how much money you have, how much you owe, both in monthly expenses and debt, and realistically assessing the value of what you own. Clarity also means becoming clear about what you want money to do for you. What is your vision for your life and money? What are your goals around money? And how does money fit into the plans you have? What amounts will you require? Where do you intend for it to come from (in-come)? Once you have some money clarity, it’s time to focus on what is needed to get to what you want. Imagine you want to hit a target with an arrow, but you are in heavy fog and don’t know which direction to aim. You can focus all you want, but until you know where the target actually is, you’d more than likely miss...

What Creates Peace with Money?

What brings peace with money can be quite variable from person to person. Let’s look at a couple of examples. A woman I know lives very effectively on about $700.00 each month. You may wonder how she does this. Out of her modest income she saves 10% and donates 10% to causes she supports. She buys insurance and gas for her car, a supplemental health plan, pays for a cell phone, and uses the rest for food and incidentals. You may notice she pays no rent or utilities. Instead, she lives in her car when she is not house sitting for one of her many acquaintances. She counts herself blessed and is wholly at peace with money. Another person I know has income of just over $7000 per month. He, too, is at peace with money. He hasn’t always been, though. For years he was driven by fear that he didn’t have enough. He strove to earn greater and ever greater amounts. This at the cost of sleep and peace of mind. Once he realized he was allowing money to be in the driver’s seat he decided to change things up. He developed a plan to use his money in more satisfying ways. He quit working so hard and gave up about $3000 per month in earnings. This required a lifestyle adjustment but now he is delighted to be spending more time with his family. He says he is happier than he’s ever been in his adult life, knowing his money supports his and his family’s genuine well-being. How do you bridge the gap between what you currently experience...

Scaling the Heights of Money Peace

“Peace with money. Do you think it’s even possible?” a new acquaintance asked not long ago. For far too many of us, the mere thought of having any kind of composure, much less peace, about money seems akin to scaling Mt. Everest – a stretch just too far. And stepping into my friend’s shoes for just a moment, I understand why she’d asked. Until about 10 years ago I could have been the one asking the question. I had sought a peace-filled life, but the one area where I continued to experience conflict consistently was with money. When I paid bills my shoulders crept up to my ears. Every conversation about money with my husband was fraught with tension. I wanted to experience the peace and harmony around money that I had in other areas of my life, yet I simply couldn’t seem to achieve it. I worried whether I had enough. I worried whether I was spending it well. And I certainly worried about whether I would have enough when it came time to retire. I told myself I was bad with money and I believed it. And even though I worried about it, nevertheless, I also spent on things I didn’t need with money I didn’t have in the bank. Credit card debt mounted and I worried even more. The thought of having real peace with money seemed completely out of reach. Yet I wanted it desperately. You would think a feeling of desperation would lead to making better decisions about money in order to relieve the anxiety. For me it was just the opposite. The more...